Avanish Singh, Longlist Short Story 2017

I Made A Mistake

Avanish Singh

I…I am Jack and this is my life story ohh! not story but reality, my life is still complicated, I don’t know, why but it changes its side everyday and night  yeah I said “night” because In days where my life is lone as I am a mental patient and live in a mental hospital, but I am not mad but I am here because of my madness , huh… my days are lone but my nights are full of love , my life love Susan comes to meet me every night. I remember that she is dead and was killed by my these hands but there is a big reason behind. I… I remember the piles of incident and all the memories with Susan.

I know her since she shifted in my neighborhood , we used to play together, study together, and were also admitted in the same school and collages. I fall in love with her, but that crazy girl she like another guy. I.. I still remember that boy’s name Ralph , a stupid wimp. I don’t know what Susan found in him , I was far better then him still she did not even cared about me. One day I planned a picnic with Ralph & Susan we decided to go for trekking in a local hill near our town .when the day of picnic came I met  both of them near Susan’s house. I was in anger when I saw them, because both of them were wearing same colored jeans and t-shirts. I controlled my anger for my special plan behind this journey. Which was pushing Ralph from the hill top and Susan would be mine forever.

We reached the hill top and after lunch I waited for the movement when I saw Ralph standing on the cliff facing towards the mountains and enjoying the scenes. Then I charged myself for pushing him and took a long run but suddenly he turned and I saw that it  was not Ralph but was Susan but it was to late because I could not stop my legs but the stopped after I  pushed Susan. She fell with a cry an also could not bind my tears “ I killed Susan… my Susan”. With guilt I shouted but I could only hear my echoes suddenly in that dreadful silence I heard a noise which made me angry because it was Ralph’s noise which he was making while searching Susan saying “Susan, baby come don’t hide ,its no time of playing oh! come on baby” he turned to me and asked whether I have seen her I in anger replied ‘no’, he moved toward other part of hill when I in anger moved toward my bagpack and grab a knife and dashed towards Ralph and first I attacked with punches and kicks and when I was tired , stabbed knife in his body. Ralph dies instantly with the first stab. Unfortunately, while doing this , I was seen by some visitors who called police. I was captured by the police and locked me in jail for murdering Ralph.

From then, she comes to meet me every night in my cell and cries in a corner  facing the wall of my cell and whenever I try to move to her she changes her side which makes me feel like she is still upset from me but one night during a security check in my cell by a guard  I saw Susan for the first time facing toward the guard in the first view , she appeared like a zombie I could see her forehead was broken, her nose was hanging with only a small piece left attached to her face ,and her eyes which was not there on her face, her  left hand seems broken and  few of her fingers were also not present, Then I saw a knife on her right hand and a fearful smile on her face as if she would create some mischief scene in the room. While I was fearing she cut off few fingers of the guard who was there in the cell. Now my fear raise because all the blame was on my head , I saw the guard running through and informing the other guards . I saw Susan coming through me and saying that she will not forgive me at all, I … I was feared but I wanted my life too so I begged to her but no that crazy girl didn’t listen to me at all and was laughing like a witch. I saw few guards watching me when I was begging me but the did not saw Susan and declared me mad so the contacted the mental hospital where I was taken and they gave me 2-3 shock treatment then I was sent in my new room where Susan meets me and asks me whether I  love her or not  because  either she had lost her beauty or because she was dead I also do not any answer for her so I could not reply at which she get angry and turned her face toward the wall. While sometime she torcher me by making me mad using strange conditions which results in increasing the dosage of shock treatment which was obviously painful one thing I remember that she never let me die even if I tried.

I remember the day when I setup a plan to finish every thing by killing myself so first I planned to cut my veins but unfortunately the knife which I had stolen from the kitchen was dropped near the in-charge room which was just after the kitchen but I have my second plan so I had also brought a small bottle of kerosene and a matchstick but my luck was once more faded because the box was wet because all the kerosene had fall over it which left it for no use at last when I tried to press my neck until I die but another luck failure because when I was doing this, a ward member saw me when he was here to give me dinner as it was night , he saw me and informed it to the doctors. after that I was taken and they were giving me treatment while the treatment was going I thought I was lucky because the shock given to me this time was heavy and when I realize that my will has been listen by the gods suddenly I saw Susan in air saying something that I could clearly hear even in this noise that “not that easy death, Jack” and after her sentence was complete suddenly the machine got short circuit and the have to stop.

Now its been five years , I am still here and Susan still comes every night to meet me every night , first she asks me questions then we have quarrel at which she either cries or tortures me and sometimes when I try to end this up , she saves me. Now I understood the reason behind that she wants to give me a painful death but still I don’t have any problem because even for the sake of revenge she thinks for me and there is no love story without pain.

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