Poetry 2017 Featured Poet Aishwarya Shrivastav

The Goddess

I am the last of the dusk
And first of the dawn
I am the high tides of sea
And deep under waters of the ocean bed

Durga and Kali
Maya and Mohini
Some days all of these
And some days nothing at all

I am the Holy body of a lotus
And also the paint of impurity painted over that girl
who has just felt the first rush of blood between her thighs
The Pink the blue the black the red
All shades of rainbow and beyond these shades

I am a woman
More than five letters in this word
More whole than five elements in unequal proportions
Erased boundaries and marks of my own ways

Everyone has a x uncle who may make you feel nowhere close to family when he touches your sacred places without your consent
Know that often home is far away from where you may expect it to be
If not today someday you will stop his fingers and his intentions to exploit your insides
Because anything can reach you only till you allow it to

I was 16 when I stopped folding hands in front of a god I didn't believe in
I began worshipping myself
In class second my teacher taught me that god is inside me
Since then temples felt like the places I didn't know what to go for

In my self-defence classes
The instructor taught us not to smile in order to not attract attention
After that day I never went to the classes because I guess the first rule to self-defence should have been to be defensive towards one's own expressions
I decided very early that the insecurity of attracting unwanted attention wouldn't ever stop me from smiling ear to ear on a happy Monday

I am
Pins and satin bows
And blood stained boxing gloves
I am a woman
Cosmic and earthly
Unclean of societal expectations
Which make me vulnerable?
But more of a rebel

I am Balms
And bones
Baptised by swears

 I am  my own goddess
The creation and the creator
The one that I need to worship
I may take a woman
Or a man
Or both
And the only person who can decide that will be me
Because the only rolls I find cute are tummy rolls and not your suffocating decaying gender roles

 I am first shade of anger slamming my heart on the day I was first groped
Second shade of embarrassment when I put on my first bra
Third shade of power when I slapped instead of getting spanked
More than fifty shades to my existence
And hundred to colour them darker.